I'm a
paleontologist and I
won't stop finding out
lame shit about dinosaurs until you can no longer enjoy 'Jurassic Park'
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Hello. I’m the
paleontologist who keeps
finding out more and more
lame shit about dinosaurs, and I’m here to ruin your life.
You may remember me from last month, when I figured out that the tyrannosaurus rex, the vicious, real-life monster that frightened us all on the big screen in the 90’s,
could not actually run. And I won’t
stop finding out really
lame shit about dinosaurs until you —
until everyone, is no longer able to enjoy the film
Jurassic Park.*
SEE ALSO:
An open letter from the dude at the party who is just kinda hanging out in the kitchen by himself right now
I have dedicated my life to studying dinosaurs. Not for scientific curiosity, however, but so that one day you will be watching
Jurassic Park and my findings actually break the immersion and ruin the experience for you. For instance: Did you know that
dinosaurs were
actually feathered? It’s true. Doesn’t that suck to learn? Also, they didn’t necessarily roar,
they most likely cooed. Like a bird. Like a big bird. *
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