Can anyone help with this really basic riding problem?!

[ahlam1399]

Quick background. I have a bad hip. It's basically got a chunk of extra bone growing inside the socket which catches. I've spent years holding myself wrongly sub consciously. Now I have to be constantly tense that side else I collapse (not just riding but driving, sitting it's pretty much a problem in every aspect of my life now) It really effects my riding. Because I'm so tight that side the other feels like it's too loose. I feel insecure and messy. (Apparently I look fine, stiff but basically nice, does NOT feel like that) Horse is a big moving experienced dressage horse. I thought this would be perfect to help sort me out. In fact it's downright depressingly difficult! I'm feeling really quite dismal about the whole thing. I've had the horse a year, he's had health issues so not actually been going for a year but I really thought by now we'd be competing and doing lots, I didn't bank of feeling physically unable to ride him. Transitions are a nightmare. I can't relax my hips enough to sit his massive trot so canter in a school is pretty terrible (great once we have it) I can't sit to his trot at all, I know I need to develop a deeper secure seat again but how? Is it possible with such a knackered body!? I definitely can't do no stirrups out of walk on him as I bounce, he panics I bounce more, he freaks out more..... it's so annoying, in my head I know what I want to be doing but I just can't.

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