{"id":315328,"date":"2025-11-01T00:07:51","date_gmt":"2025-10-31T21:07:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dana.nwar.uk\/sa\/my-son-moved-home-after-college-am-i-his-roommate-friend-or-mom\/"},"modified":"2025-11-01T00:07:51","modified_gmt":"2025-10-31T21:07:51","slug":"my-son-moved-home-after-college-am-i-his-roommate-friend-or-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/my-son-moved-home-after-college-am-i-his-roommate-friend-or-mom\/","title":{"rendered":"My Son Moved Home After College; Am I His Roommate, Friend, or Mom?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cWho\u2019s paying for this?\u201d asked my 22-year-old son when I drove him to the mechanic to pick up his car after an oil change.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are,\u201d I said without hesitation.<\/p>\n

As I watched him walk into the office after I dropped him off, I shook my head in confusion. Why did he ask me who would pay? It was his car, after all, and he had been working full-time since graduating from college this spring and moving back home.<\/p>\n

However, my husband and I had paid for car repairs when he was in college and wasn\u2019t working. I didn\u2019t even think about it, he was still on our car insurance, too. With his entry-level job, it just made more financial sense than getting his own insurance, allowing him to save more money for his future.<\/p>\n

I guess his question of who was paying for that oil change was more of a gray area than I first thought.<\/p>\n

Since my son moved back home after graduation, I\u2019ve been surprised by how confusing my role as a parent has become.<\/p>\n

I play different roles in my son\u2019s life now<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Some days it feels like we\u2019re roommates sharing a house. My son comes and goes on his own schedule, and entire days can go by without me seeing him.<\/p>\n

I find this odd since he\u2019s living in his childhood bedroom, and I expected our paths would cross daily. Instead, sometimes all I see is indirect evidence that he lives here, like a load of damp laundry abandoned in the dryer or snacks that disappear from the pantry with alarming speed.<\/p>\n

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\n \"Katy\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The author (left) and her adult son.<\/p>\n

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Courtesy of Katy M. Clark<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/span><\/p>\n<\/figure>\n

Other times, it feels like we\u2019re peers. We can be a couple of adults catching up after a long day at work, swapping stories about workplace shenanigans, or discussing world events. I like engaging with my son in this capacity, sharing life side by side as adults, and I know my husband does, too. He added our son to his trivia night team at the local pub, where he\u2019s just another teammate. They watch and discuss all kinds of sports just like any pair of buddies would.<\/p>\n

Then there are times I slip back into full-on parenting mode with my son. I\u2019ve been nagging him for a couple of months to make a doctor\u2019s appointment. The other day I asked him if he needed more toothpaste, and when he said yes, I bought him some at the store.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m still finding my footing with my adult son living at home<\/h2>\n

A simple question from him, such as what\u2019s for dinner, can trigger an existential crisis. Of course, I\u2019ll feed him, but didn\u2019t I already pay my dues by making dinner for my family every night for the last 20 years?<\/p>\n

My friend told me that she and her husband sometimes eat over the sink now that their kids are grown and out of their house. While that doesn\u2019t sound gourmet, it does sound appealing and liberating to have no obligation to make dinner. And her story makes me question why I\u2019m not moving on to the next phase of my life yet.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not that living with my son is difficult; my happy-go-lucky kid is a joy to be around. It\u2019s that I\u2019m figuring out how our lives intersect as adults living in the same house.<\/p>\n

I realize this stage is temporary and that once I adjust to this new normal, he\u2019ll probably be ready to move out. Then I\u2019ll miss him, our chats over dinner, watching him grow into the man he\u2019s becoming, and even the damp load of laundry abandoned in the dryer.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n