{"id":207931,"date":"2020-02-24T17:33:14","date_gmt":"2020-02-24T14:33:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ww-vb.mine.nu\/w108\/what-it-means-to-actually-be-an-introvert\/"},"modified":"2020-02-24T17:33:14","modified_gmt":"2020-02-24T14:33:14","slug":"what-it-means-to-actually-be-an-introvert","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/what-it-means-to-actually-be-an-introvert\/","title":{"rendered":"What it means to actually be an introvert"},"content":{"rendered":"

[ad_1]
\n<\/p>\n

\n

I\u2019m an introvert; a highly sensitive introvert, actually. <\/p>\n

In fact, I\u2019m an INFJ, the rarest<\/em> personality type according to the widely-cited Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. <\/p>\n

But despite what that popular introvert meme, \u2018Sorry I\u2019m late, I didn\u2019t want to come\u2019, might have you believe, I love a good party. I\u2019m the first on the dancefloor and the last to leave. I don\u2019t celebrate when a friend bails on me and I definitely don\u2019t hate people (well, for the most part).<\/p>\n

On the face of it, I\u2019m the epitome of an extrovert. What my friends don\u2019t know is that the day after socialising, I really, really<\/em> do not want to talk to anybody. I melt into my sofa, utterly immovable. <\/p>\n

Contrary to stereotypes, not all introverts are quiet and shy and not all extroverts are loud and chatty. The difference between us lies in how we recharge our energy. Introverts are energised by chilled time alone, while extroverts are energised by being around other people.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\n\t<\/p>\n

The difference between introverts and extroverts lies in how we recharge our energy<\/p>\n<\/blockquote><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Numerous psychological theories link introversion to how sensitive and reactive we are to our environment. In the Sixties, the German psychologist Hans Eysenck suggested that introverts need less stimulation than extroverts to reach a \u2018set point\u2019 of social arousal, causing an escape from overstimulation to be sought sooner. Eysenck\u2019s theories have proved controversial among modern scientists but there seems to be some truth in this one. I know I reach a point, pretty quickly, past which any more noise might end me.<\/p>\n

Thanks to American psychologist Jonathan Cheek\u2019s 2011 paper on the \u2018four meanings of introversion\u2019, there are now thought to be four main types of introverts – social, anxious, thinking and restrained – with many introverts a mix of all four.<\/p>\n

Social introverts, such as myself, prefer to socialise in small, intimate groups. They may come across as shy at times, but they do not struggle with social anxiety like anxious introverts, who tend to avoid other people entirely, possibly out of awkwardness, self-consciousness or a lack of faith in their social skills.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\t\t\t<\/p>\n\"Rosa<\/picture><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Rosa Parks may have been known for her bravery, but she was also soft-spoken with obituaries full of phrases like \u2018radical humility\u2019 and \u2018quiet fortitude\u2019.<\/figcaption>

\n\tAngel Franco<\/span>Getty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Restrained introverts often enjoy being around others but only once they are made to feel comfortable. They think before they speak and tend to live slow, deliberate lives. Thinking introverts are happy enough at social events but are often accused of being \u2018away with the fairies\u2019. They are typically introspective, self-reflective, analytical and imaginative.<\/p>\n

Importantly, introversion and extroversion exist on a scale. Some people fall at the extreme ends. Others, sometimes dubbed \u2018ambiverts\u2019, hang about in the middle.<\/p>\n

If you aren\u2019t sure which camp you fall into, Dr Rachel Allan, a chartered counselling psychologist based in Glasgow, suggests considering where you feel most authentic and at ease.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\t\t\t<\/p>\n\"Goalkeepers:<\/picture><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Microsoft founder Bill Gates describes himself as an introvert<\/figcaption>

\n\tJamie McCarthy<\/span>Getty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s important to be mindful of context,\u201d she says. \u201cSome of us are naturally more reserved yet may still be outgoing in certain scenarios. Gregarious, even. <\/p>\n

\u201cI can think of plenty of people who are highly confident, and are engaging public speakers, but consider themselves introverted because they feel like their truest self at the point of restoration.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe biggest myth about introversion is that you can spot an introvert based solely on how they act socially or professionally.\u201d<\/p>\n

Susan Cain\u2019s seminal 2012 book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can\u2019t Stop Talking<\/em>, is often credited with stirring an introvert revolution and helping to erode the implicit – and often explicit – message that we should strive to be more extroverted. Yet still, what Cain calls \u2018the extrovert ideal\u2019 persists, particularly in the workplace.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\t\t\t<\/p>\n\"86th<\/picture><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Emma Watson says embracing her introversion has been helpful. “Coming to realise that about myself was very empowering.”<\/figcaption>

\n\tJason Merritt<\/span>Getty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

From confidence to charisma, characteristics typically associated with extroverts have long been held in high regard. In contrast, sensitivity and seriousness have historically been viewed negatively and taken as signs of aloofness. It\u2019s little wonder, then, that so many introverts feel the need to pretend to be extroverted in order to be noticed and valued.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt can be important for all of us to be able to step into different roles and be relatively fluid but it\u2019s usually not healthy to force ourselves into situations where we feel really uncomfortable purely because we have been conditioned to believe that being \u2018extroverted\u2019 is the better way to be,\u201d says Dr Allan.<\/p>\n

\u201cThankfully, we\u2019re slowly starting to understand that introversion is not a shortcoming but a difference that brings many valuable qualities to our society.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\t\t\t<\/p>\n\"Amy<\/picture><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Introvert Amy Schumer has spoken about the misconceptions of introversion. “Being an introvert doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re shy,” she wrote in her memoir, The Girl With The Lower Back Tattoo<\/em>. “It means you enjoy being alone. Not just enjoy it\u2014 you need it.”<\/figcaption>

\n\tGetty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Fellow introverts will understand the unsustainable struggle of trying to keep up the extrovert charade. I enjoyed clubbing as a student, but the hangovers hit me harder than my friends because I was recovering from socialising and stimulation overload, as well as boozing. Every day I\u2019d lock my door in halls for a while and not answer when they knocked, letting them think I was out so I could grab some precious recuperation time, necessarily alone. <\/p>\n

By my final year of university, I was an out-and-proud introvert. On the train home for the holidays, I\u2019d book a seat by myself so I could plug in my headphones and stare out of the window, listening to emotive music while reflecting on another term of early 20s boy drama. Yes, I was teased mercilessly for this highly uncool quirk, but the banter was always thrown about with fondness and taken on the chin.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

\n\t<\/p>\n

Introverts are the most likely to value deep and authentic connections with other humans<\/p>\n<\/blockquote><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

I\u2019m now 30. I\u2019ve learned that people tend to respect those with the balls to put boundaries in place. Ditto those who can laugh at themselves. I also know not to socialise for more than two nights on the trot or jam-pack my calendar too far in advance. Doing otherwise simply does not work for me.<\/p>\n

In short: if you\u2019re an introvert, embrace it.<\/p>\n

\u201cRecognise that having quiet time, listening to yourself and doing the things that restore you are worthwhile activities,\u201d says Dr Allan. \u201cChallenge any stigma that might exist around accepting, nurturing and celebrating yourself and try to let go of any shame.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instagram is awash with oh-so-relatable accounts targeting introverts, from @introvertstruggles to @introvertdear. Many posts are funny in their observational honesty but be careful not to play up to a label, pigeonhole yourself and end up feeling lonely. It\u2019s not obligatory to see yourself in every meme to be a \u2018real\u2019 introvert. You don\u2019t have<\/em> to prefer a night in with your cat to a night out with your friends and it\u2019s not a requirement to own one of those ubiquitous sequin cushions reading \u2018I fucking hate people\u2019.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

\t\t\t<\/p>\n\"Actress<\/picture><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

Audrey Hepburn loved solo time, telling an interviewer once: “I\u2019d be perfectly happy if I spent Saturday night until Monday morning alone.\u201d<\/figcaption>

\n\tJohn Springer Collection<\/span>Getty Images<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\u201cIf anything, introverts are the most likely to value deep and authentic connections with other humans, even if their preferred way of connecting differs to someone higher up the extroversion scale,\u201d says Dr Allan.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all like to feel a sense of recognition and belonging, so it\u2019s great if social media helps validate or normalise how somebody feels, but the stereotype that all introverts are recluses with disdain for people is unhelpful.<\/p>\n

\u201cIntroverts can be warm and talkative. They can be characterful storytellers and captivating entertainers, but they will usually need and value reflection and restoration in the quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like this article? <\/em>Sign up to our new newsletter<\/em> to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

SHOP NOW<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n