{"id":20478,"date":"2018-03-03T16:53:23","date_gmt":"2018-03-03T13:53:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ww-vb.mine.nu\/w108\/when-married-to-an-emotionally-distant-spouse\/"},"modified":"2018-03-03T16:53:31","modified_gmt":"2018-03-03T13:53:31","slug":"when-married-to-an-emotionally-distant-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/when-married-to-an-emotionally-distant-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"When married to an emotionally distant spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tehmina married the man of her dreams two years after they began dating. \u201cI was so happy and couldn\u2019t wait to be with him every day for the rest of my life,\u201d she recalls. However, soon after the honeymoon, once they began to settle into everyday life, she noticed that he would just go quiet ever so often.<\/p>\n

\u201cMayank would come home from work, and while I would be all excited to share stories from the day, talk about my work, hear from him, he would just nod through, have dinner then sit all by himself. I was so confused!\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n

Mayank\u2019s version is quite different. \u201cOf course I loved coming home to her, being married, she\u2019s everything I ever wanted. But I also love my space and quiet time. I loved hearing her stories but I am not much of a sharer. Not for lack of caring, that\u2019s just who I am I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mayank and Tehmina had spent a majority of their dating time long distance. But after marriage Tehmina discovered that while the geographic distance was gone, she was left with the void of an emotionally distant partner.<\/p>\n

There are many of us, men and women, in Tehmina\u2019s shoes. A spouse who is unwilling to commit the same level of emotional intimacy can seem cold and uncaring.<\/p>\n

However, before one goes feeling dejected in love, give a moment to understand your emotionally distant partner. After all, you promised to love them unconditionally, without trying to change them. An emotionally distant partner is just a character trait that need not make or break your relationship.<\/p>\n

What makes one emotionally distant?<\/h2>\n

Keeping one\u2019s feelings at bay may be a coping mechanism for some. Any recent or past emotionally turbulent event can cause one to bottle up. This does not mean that it is necessarily emotionally unhealthy. After all, they did marry you and commit emotionally. It is just a way to deal with life\u2019s vagaries and we all have our own mechanisms to do that.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t push your partner to open up about why they are so either. If it is due to anything in their past or upbringing you may realise the causes over time. But do not hold them accountable for it, as it will only drive them away.<\/p>\n

Playing the blame game<\/h3>\n

It\u2019s human nature to try and find solutions to problems. Why is she\/he so cold? Why don\u2019t they share as much about their lives? Is it lack of love? Is something wrong with me? Or is he\/she just incapable of true emotional connection? Getting lost in these questions may be the first response to the problem, but it is definitely not the right one.<\/p>\n

Understand you are two different kinds of people and respect that. There\u2019s nothing wrong here that needs fixing, only the coming together of two unique souls, each with their own personalities. Once you respect the difference and stop seeing it as a problem, things will get easier.<\/p>\n

\"angry
Image source<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Make your own couple rules<\/h3>\n

The real challenge now is to find a middle ground. You understand your partner\u2019s needs and hope they get yours. He needs time apart? Sure, you have your own pursuits to follow. Go out with friends, pick up a new hobby, spend time with family. Don\u2019t take him wanting to be alone as not wanting to be with you. She does not share what\u2019s on her mind? It\u2019s okay, because it does not mean she finds you incapable of solving her problems. Let her try and figure it out herself and tell her that you are there whenever she wants to share, if at all.<\/p>\n

Pushing an emotionally distant person to step out of their comfort zone will actually push them away from you.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t diagnose, discover<\/h3>\n

Being able to wear one\u2019s heart on one\u2019s sleeve is difficult for your spouse. But it\u2019s not all there is to them, surely. Discover what brings them joy and do that. Such a person is acutely aware of someone genuinely trying to understand and accept them for who they are. Your efforts at letting them be even as you want them to share all that\u2019s in their hearts, will be deeply appreciated. And there are ways to work around it. She does not want to talk, but you still want to spend time together? Watch a movie or a play, and it\u2019ll be a win-win. You\u2019ve realised that he\u2019s having a stressful week and is bottled up. Go do something on your own, discover yourself as well. He\u2019ll be happy knowing you are happy.<\/p>\n

Ditch the auto-pilot mode<\/h3>\n

Be the first one to change, be the first one to take the step further. Instead of feeling dejected, lost and deprived, be the one to change first and warm your spouse\u2019s heart. Instead of letting things be and being on auto-pilot mode, take charge of your marriage and try out a new version of yourself. Focus on yourself, pursue your aspirations, don\u2019t overly obsess on your distant spouse.<\/p>\n

\"couple
Representative image:
Image source<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Chasing what\u2019s already yours<\/h3>\n

In the end, appreciate that your spouse is with you in marriage, a demanding emotional relationship as is. If you go after trying to make them someone else or your marriage something else, you may lose what you have to begin with. Work your differences together, without trying to define love as conventionally understood.<\/p>\n

So how did Tehmina fare? \u201cWell, I realised that bridging this distance may mean I take more steps than him because I understood how difficult it is for him to even take one step, let alone the five I may be taking. And I really don\u2019t mind going the extra mile, because I know he does that for me in so many other ways, all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The post When married to an emotionally distant spouse<\/a> appeared first on Bonobology.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Original Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tehmina married the man of her dreams two years after they began dating. \u201cI was so happy and couldn\u2019t wait to be with him every day for the rest of my life,\u201d she recalls. However, soon after the honeymoon, once they began to settle into everyday life, she noticed that he would just go quiet …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-20478","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-tie-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20478","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=20478"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20478\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=20478"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=20478"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hameed.nwar.uk\/sa\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=20478"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}