reticence to negotiate<\/a> at work has contributed to the pay gap, women\u2019s reticence to negotiate at home may be contributing to the domestic-workload gap. Marriage is the only contract we sign without any terms or conditions. Prenuptial agreements are the exception. Perhaps women need a \u201cprenup\u201d to protect their non-tangible assets \u2014 their career aspirations and, most of all, their time.<\/p>\nDefining the terms of career and domestic workload in advance serves as an opportunity to assess whether fairness is even negotiable with a mate. A partner may believe in the spirit of equity, but is he willing to perform the work of it?<\/p>\n
Negotiate\u00a0\u2014 in work, and life<\/h3>\n
Dear single women, get it in writing. As for married women, the negotiation is trickier because precedents have been set. Not all is lost, terms and conditions can be established with the help of a good therapist who can set up ground rules, draft a contract\u00a0and assist in course correction.\u00a0<\/p>\n
If the word \u201ccontract\u201d seems harsh in reference to marriage it is only because we have forgotten that marriage actually is a contract. Divorce is the rudest reminder that you are in a contract since it requires a dissolution of the terms you never realized existed. The problem with not having a written contract is that memories of verbal agreements inevitably fade. We slowly regress to previous habits, and around we go, stuck in a maddening loop.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Surely, none of this is romantic. But inequity is hardly an aphrodisiac.<\/p>\n
In “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” the great thing about Joel is that he made his terms clear. The heroic thing about Midge is that she stuck to hers, even though it meant walking away. She was ahead of her time. She may even be ahead of ours.<\/p>\n
Sherry Pagoto, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Connecticut. She tweets at @DrSherryPagoto<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
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